Geordie Pig

WELL. Here I am in the north! It’s brilliant. I am not sweating on the tube, rather I am being windswept by the North Sea. I am not paying £50,000 per month on rent, instead I am scrounging off my mum and researching laughably cheap flats. I am not a million miles away from my family, but get to see new cousins on the day they are born.

 

I am still, however, spending all the money I own on gig and theatre tickets. It’s all happening at once, I say this every year. Recently booked has been Of Monsters and Men, Florence and the Machine (WAAAAH), Beach House, NT Live screening of Everyman, Globe screening of Antony and Cleopatra (because 4 times in the theatre just wasn’t enough), another gin festival and OH, a holiday to Copenhagen. Yeah, definitely saving wisely for my future.

 

Because I am keen to dwell in the present and indeed the future, I am going to do short and sweet summaries of the last few months of cultural fun times in London. Simultaneous rewind and fast forward.

 

‘Tis Pity She’s a Whore

 

When: Tuesday 4th November
Where: Wanamaker Theatre
Why: It looked saucy

 

It was quite saucy actually. Although all on-stage nudity pales into insignificance after the ‘dozens of naked slave girl brandings’ scene in a 10 hour Greek play I once went to see. Aged 15. With teachers sat behind me. Anyway, this production was an impressive combo of light and dark, managing to be dramatic and hilarious in equal measures. Stefana Braschi was the most impressive as Soranzo, Anabella’s besotted, cuckolded lover, but it was a generally strong cast and a delight as always to inhabit the Wanamaker’s lofty space.

 

Kylie

 

When: Tuesday 11th November
Where: Newcastle Metro Radio Arena
Why: Her career has lasted longer than my entire life – the woman is a legend

 

Kyles had some cracking dancers on stage, I mean really impressive, Gaga-esque stuff. But they were nothing, NOTHING, compared to the two enthusiastic guys giving it large at the back of the standing crowd. Such strutting, such exhibitionism. Kylie’s 80s medley, along with prancing flamingo graphics and a full bubble bath, was the high point for me, but the whole night was huge, epic, sparkly and impressive. The true queen of pop (Madonna can do one) was on perfect form and her voice was immaculate.

 

Electra

 

When: Wednesday 15th October and Monday 24th November
Where: Old Vic
Why: Greeks. And what.

 

Kristen Scott-Thomas was in fine, shouty, croaky, frustrated form as the agonized Electra, stuck waiting for her brother to come home and wreak vengeance on their somewhat messed up mother. The stage set in the round was very effective and simply staged, the chorus were subtly brilliant and I only had to tell the school trip sat behind me to shut up once, so it was all basically a big win. The second trip was with my pal Sarah who used to nanny for KS-T in Paris and for whom it was all a bit disconcerting, recognizing tones of voice and facial expressions previously used to settle household matters now employed on a grander and more tragic scale. Major stuff, and I thought it was a real gutter for KS-T to miss out on the Olivier for this one.

 

Urinetown

 

When: Wednesday 26th November
Where: Apollo Theatre
Why: Lastminute.com flash sale!

 

Having essentially lived in Urinetown for a good couple of years (aka Electric Avenue; my doorstep in particular) I felt a strong affinity to this musical. I had heard about it from my thespy friend Nikki and remember taking a good long while to be persuaded that it was actually called Urinetown, so I was prepared for what to expect in terms of it being mental, but had no expectations of what it would be like. It was RIDICULOUSLY GOOD. An incredibly strong cast and set, songbook and sense of humour. It’s hilarious, satirical, and catchy – Run Freedom Run was in my head for days. I had no idea that I was seeing the understudy of Little Sally - she was just fantastic and with Jenna Russell in the cast too I was just spoiled. I genuinely think it should tour the country, it needs to be seen to be appreciated! Plus it made me really glad that we are free to wee.

 

The Crucible

 

When: Thursday 4th December
Where: Vue Islington
Why: Because the theatre showing we booked was cancelled, causing a minor mental breakdown for my friend Helen (until Richard Armitage came out of the theatre and distracted her)

 

Gritty, dark, intense and intensely satisfying. This witchy production was savagely carried out with a blithe lack of consideration for how numb everyone’s arse would be at the end of 3.5 hours. Thankfully I was so gripped that I barely noticed time passing. This was one of the best theatre productions I’ve ever seen and was filmed absolutely perfectly so I didn’t feel like I was missing out by seeing it at the cinema. I would strongly recommend that if you haven’t seen it you download it immediately from Digital Theatre.

 

Dirty Rotten Scoundrels

 

When: Saturday 13th December
Where: Savoy Theatre
Why: Bonnie Langford was in it

 

Before we spent around 20 minutes trying to locate the Savoy Theatre (it is actually right next to the Savoy hotel, for your future reference), we discovered Itsu and its incredible noodle pots. My mum is a fan. The theatre itself was pleasingly retro, slightly bunker-like (mum was overwhelmed that the entire place was underground…) and suited the casually swellegant mood of the musical perfectly. Robert Lindsey was in his element, riffing cheekily off the audience and just generally swanning around being dashing. Bonnie Langford proved again that she’s the ultimate stage pro and a fantastic performer, and it was all generally very entertaining. Not particularly original or memorable, but an enjoyable trip out for the elderly and easily pleased. And we saw Rod Stewart outside the Savoy as we left, looking good in a red scarf and a tan.

 

Chrissie Hynde

 

When: Tuesday 16th December
Where: Koko
Why: I’m a sucker for punishment 

 

I attended this gig after my work Christmas party. I was drunk and we were right at the back so basically we watched Chrissie Hynde’s (admittedly great) fringe performing the full set. The music was rockin and Chrissie’s voice is a delight, but she’s a proper bitch in’t she. There are probs not many performers who’d respond to a brave shout of love from the crowd with an actual put-down followed by some stony silence. Still, she’s the only person Morrissey actually likes (apart from himself) so it’s to be expected. It was an experience.

 

Edward Scissorhands

 

When: Tuesday 6th January 2015
Where: Saddlers Wells
Why: Festive ballet a-go-go

 

Oh it was delightful, delightful! I was weeping quietly at the end, but that’s what a gin in a tin straight after work will do to you. It was stunningly choreographed and acted, the costumes and sets were just beautiful and it was so movingly told. When they danced in the graveyard and it started snowing… it was powerful man. So festive, so scissory, so good.

 

Elephants

 

When: Thursday 8th January
Where: Hampstead Theatre Downstairs
Why: Written by a Miranda writer 

 

A new play featuring the epic Imogen Stubbs, Bel Powley (of Jumpy fame), the English girl from Sunshine On Leith, and some really fantastic writing. I love the Hampstead Downstairs space – the last time I was there it was a sea cave, this time a cosy suburban living room decked out for Christmas, showcasing a family dealing with death and painful truths, but in a hilarious way. Powley’s stroppy troubled character veers from rebelliously building “A FUCKING SPROUT HOUSE” (what it sounds like) at the dinner table to cuddling a new kitten (a real one, so many coos from the audience) and heart-achingly begging a vision of her dead brother to stay. Imogen Stubbs as the stretched and in-denial mother was fantastic and at one point was sobbing right in front of me – always a winner. The whole cast was really strong. Fantastic for a new play and an overall total triumph.

 

Made in Dagenham

 

When: Tuesday 20th January
Where: Adelphi Theatre
Why: Time Out offer + Gemma A

 

It’s a real tragedy that this didn’t run and run – a new British musical with feminist inspiration should be exactly what we want. I could see a touring version doing really well if people could be persuaded to risk seeing something new. I admit I had wanted to go but was only tempted in by a cheap ticket, but it was easily worth full price. Gemma Arterton was great as the increasingly empowered Rita, leader of the Ford machinists campaigning for equal pay. I’ve since seen the (non-musical) film and the theatre version was better. Hopefully it will return.

 

Wittank

 

When: Friday 30th January
Where: Soho Theatre
Why: #durhamloyalty

 

Hilarious. Jamaican Winston Churchill and cellar-dwelling Walt Disney will stay with me forever. A comforting audience of chino-wearing Durhamers surrounded us. The Soho Theatre’s beer selection is lovely. Top quality comedy.

 

The Changeling

 

When: Tuesday 10th February
Where: Wanamaker Theatre
Why: Over-excited new season booking several months before  

 

Yeah I left at the interval. I think if I had been sat down I could have made it through the whole thing but I was standing and surrounded by elbow bargers plus I could smell the person in front’s HAIR. The acting was good with some genuine comedy moments (I love Pearce Quigley) but I couldn’t see most of it (the perils of the Wanamaker standing seats) and when you’re not loving life and quite want to go home for some toast, it’s hard to remain motivated to stand up to see half of something you’re not quite following. The best part of the evening was the gyros I had at The Real Greek before the play. Oh hell yes.

 

How to Hold Your Breath

 

When: Tuesday 17th February
Where: Royal Court
Why: Maxine Peake!

 

I love Maxine Peake, she’s great, her voice is great and her acting is top-notch. This was a fucking weird play though. Not weird enough to be truly surreal but weird enough to be a bit pointless. There were points during the second hour that were literally just meaningless words. It started promisingly but just became boring. Excellent actors, shite play.

 

 

Kill Me Now

 

When: Thursday 19th February

Where: Park Theatre

Why: Greg Wise

 

I sat opposite Emma Thompson in the bar and managed to contain myself. Super exciting. This was a tricky play about a father looking after a son with serious physical disabilities, who in turn ends up looking after his dad as just everyone's health deteriorates. It doesn't sound comically promising but there were some genuinely crack-up funny parts and real wry humour. There was some awkward naked bathing of the sun but I was high up and far away from the splashing, thankfully. Apparently Greg hadn't told Emma anything about the (v emotional) plot so she was in bits and weeping heavily by the end. As were many of us. In some places difficult going but defintely impressed, especially with Greg. Lovely to have him back on stage.

 

Bleachers

 

When: Tuesday 24th February
Where: Bush Hall
Why: LOVE ‘EM

 

Firstly let me just say that Bush Hall is awesome. A carpeted gig venue! Such luxury. Bleachers were stupendous and overwhelmed by the love from the crowd. Jack Antonoff’s voice and presence are exceptional and all in all I was swept along on a wave of amazingness and love. And a bit of jumping up and down. And some red wine. I WANNA GET BETTER!

 

Stevie

 

When: Tuesday 10th March
Where: Hampstead Theatre
Why: Love a bit o’ Stevie Smith

 

What a treat. Zoe Wanamaker and Auntie Mabel (ok ok, Lynda Baron) portraying cynical poet Stevie Smith and her maiden aunt, on a stunning house set which merges with the trees and the outdoors, and with a delightful script featuring multiple snippets of Smith’s verse. Again, my enthusiasm was fuelled by red wine but I know it was actually great. Low key, subtle, clever.

 

Antigone

 

When: Tuesday 17th March
Where: Barbican
Why: GREEKS INNIT

 

The Barbican building is fucking nuts. I genuinely got lost about four times and could actually not tell what floor I was on. I had to ask the man at the martini bar for detailed directions on how to get to the theatre. Which is very long and shallow and when you’re sat bang in the middle of a row of about 80 people, incredibly time-consuming to try and leave. I didn’t love this version, I won’t lie to you. It was very modern which is ok but contributed to the muted, low-key sense of it all which I did not enjoy. I NEED SCREAMING. I got some volume from Juliette Binoche but it was mainly croaky yelling which did not convey a load of passion to me. It was all too chilled out and there was not one person doing any writhing. Tsk.

 

Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown

 

When: Tuesday 7th April
Where: Playhouse Theatre
Why: Tamsin Greig 

 

MATES I WAS NOT HAPPY when I arrived at the Playhouse. Tamsin was on holiday. Contrary to what the manager told me, I had genuinely NOT been informed of this when I booked. I was gutted and spent the entire play visibly sulking and rage-eating sweets. Although I have to say I can’t really imagine her in the main role, having seen it. I think it might have been a bit disturbing. Another quite weird musical, I just found it a bit all over the place and not really very funny. And I don’t think that was just because I was in a foul mood. Shout out to crazy best friend Candela played by Anna Skellern, who was great. And to Willemijn Verkaik whose epic Elphaba voice was totally wasted in this. Bah.

 

Sweeney Todd

 

When: Monday 30th March and Wednesday 8th April
Where: Coliseum
Why: EMMA THOMPSON

 

SWEEEEEEEENEEEEEYYYYYYYYYY. I was so thoroughly over-excited about this and it was everything I expected. Impressively ‘semi-staged’, it was a rebellious, dramatic, mad and hilarious version of one of the best musicals. Sondheim was in the audience the first time I saw it, ffs. Emma Thompson received gusts of applause and laughter at every turn (utterly deserved) and shone out of the whole grungy stage in her garish red dress. She managed to pull off hysterical versions of A Little Priest and By The Sea (my two faves), upstage everyone including world-renowed singer Bryn Terfyl, and still manage to give her daughter Gaia (who was in the chorus) a comforting pat on the shoulder in the pie shop. She is a wonder. Somebody get me a pie.

 

Dudes that is it, we’re finally caught up. Congratulations if you made it through all that. Stay tuned to Brixpig for future Newcastle and probably some London cultural action, as well as guaranteed life ramblings from me as I settle in to me new northern life!

 

Brixpig x