Lana Del Rey

When: Monday 20^th May

Where: Hammersmith Apollo

Why: I thought I was a fan

Prepare yourselves readers, you’re about to experience Brixpig’s first scathing review. I know, I know, we never thought it could happen. But I’m here to tell you that none other than the USA’s golden angel Lana Del Rey has forced me into it.

Never before have I been bored at a gig. Just not paying attention, thoughts wandering, not having fun good old fashioned BORED. Usually if it's someone whose music I love, I'm just so thrilled to be there and experiencing them that it's always amazing. But something just didn't quite connect with Lana, which was sad, given that I did (and still do) really like her actual music. The set was cool, very 1920s (very Gatsby actually), with candelabra, palm trees and two magnificently handsome stone lions flanking the stage. But I was boiling, and surrounded by gangs of women in their thirties with enormous handbags and cups of offensive smelling Chardonnay whooping "I LOVE this one!!" Could not have been more of a contrast between this and the relaxed comfort and beauty of Noah and the Whale the night before.

Lana seems to be basically like one of those girls at school who is so pretty that she doesn't need even to flirt, but can just look mournfully at a boy and he'll swoon at her feet. This was like that, but with thousands of people at once. Which I suppose is actually quite impressive, but not a style I'm a massive fan of and I can’t agree that it makes for an atmospheric performance. What happens is you end up with a massive love-in between the crowd and her, which is simultaneously a bit sickening and also just really annoying. I've never heard so much raucous high-pitched screaming from a crowd, and I've seen Glee in concert. I never expected her to be the most energetic of performers, given the swoony and melancholic nature of her songs, but this was on another level of mournful. If she were any more languid she'd be an actual mermaid glaring at you from her lonely rock.

She hadn't even finished her first song before she was in the crowd greeting her fans like she was at a film premiere, accepting flowers and taking photos with all the time in the world. It must have been great if you were one of the fifty or so people at the front. For the rest of the three and a half thousand in the audience, not so much. The second time she did it, in the middle of the set, I went to the loo. The third time, at the end, I just left. I just don't think it's appropriate to be off the stage for so long during a gig. Sure, lots of acts go into the audience, but they usually keep singing and only do it once for a fairly short time. She also disappeared in the middle of the set while a short film came on, which was a fairly good music video style film but again, like, where are you? She wasn't costume changing or anything. It all just felt like a huge amount of  casual vanity.

I genuinely do love her music, her voice is sublime and she really is a beautiful creature. She sang the great ‘Young and Beautiful’ from the Gatsby soundtrack, a cover of ‘Knocking on heaven’s door’ and ‘Blue Velvet’ which always just reminds me of loo roll adverts. But the videos throughout the show of her floating around looking gorgeous were far more interesting than what was happening on the stage, and I could have stayed at home and seen all that on YouTube. She managed to connect with some of the crowd in her wearily sweet way, calling us her friends and claiming that she doesn't usually have much to say on stage. You're telling me. If one if my friends treated me like that, I'd think I'd mortally offended them...

In short – I wish I hadn’t bothered. She’s the one act I’ve seen that has made me think that for some artists, live concerts are a waste of time.

Brixpig x


In happier news, coming up:

BARBRA STREISAND on 1st June at the O2
Viva Forever! Yessss, just before it closes!
Mt Wolf at the Union Chapel
Vikki Stone at the Udderbelly and Frisky and Mannish at the Speigel Tent - Southbank
Glasvegas at XOYO
Macbeth (directed by Eve Best!) at the Globe
MS MR at the Electric Ballroom
Cricket at the Oval (hahaha)
Ellie Goulding at Hammersmith
BARRY GIBB at the O2 (unbelievably excited about this)